MudPieFactory

I wonder, how men in our society cope. The old standard of being rich, despite being ugly, overweight, etc. would get you a beautiful wife. Money was something that women married for. Nowadays you have to have a LOT of money and even there having some looks helps.

I wonder what a well-to-do but not rich geek does with himself. Does he marry the prettiest girl he can get? Does he marry the smartest or geekiest girl he can get?

And, what does a geek do when confronted with a smart, beautiful geeky woman that can, often, out argue him?

I think I kind of feel sorry for men these days.

What kind of god do you worship here?

The usual kind, invisible, ineffable, doesn’t interfere much…. Frimbolus

Catherine,

Actually there isn’t a god called Frimbolus. It’s the name of a character from a science fiction book. I don’t recall the name off the top of my head. But I did, totally, love the quote from the book. Found it humorous

I actually fear marriage. Why? Well, from what I see of a “typical” “happy” marriage. I sure as all get out do NOT want a typical happy marriage. Why? Because they don’t seem so happy once you get to know the people.

An example…

She’s busy with her work. So much so that her energy is directed to the creation of a project. She has no energy left for sex. He cheats.

She isn’t interested in sex – say’s he has a demanding sex drive. His wish, dream and hope? To have sex 2 times per week. He feels undesired. Their answer? There isn’t one… he cheats.

He stays home with the child. (I know, rare, but in this case.. the money situation does it) She loves her work and spends hours upon hours making the new product the best possible. It makes it to market. He is not interested in her work. She doesn’t know what else to talk about. He wants sex. She wants sex. Their sex life is.. actually.. really good. She feels lonely though, undesireable.. despite their good sex life. Why? His lack of interest in her and her daily occupation creates a rift. She meets someone new at work. He is passionate about her work. They talk about… you’ve got it.. work. She has an affair – yes, despite the good sex life.. why?? Emotional connection.

So. A typical marriage. I’m not sure I want one. I know all of these couples. I’ve not participated in any of the cheating. I watch(ed) it. I suggested counseling. Some did, some didn’t.

Then there is the rare couple. She listens to his work life, he loves her home based business struggles, they travel together and .. have a great sex life. So, why the difference?

Oh there is another couple. They both work from home. Home-based businesses. They struggle financially but seem as happy and doting as possible.

What is the difference between these couples? I don’t honestly know. In any sense, the death of desire scares me. To live in a relationship where he doesn’t desire me or I don’t desire him. I mean desire in both the sexual and the mental and emotional sense. That you desire to be with, find attractive, wish to know of and about… desire…

Hmmm… I need to ponder.

I discovered, recently, that men are very insecure in their sexuality. I suspect my father has always been trying to tell me this but I couldn’t listen because it was framed in a MEN vs. WOMEN format. I now understand, and feel sad at the realization that our society teaches both women and men to be ashamed or guilty of their sexuality. Or they repress it. Men won’t admit that they want sex as much as they do – it’s urban legend. Women are afraid, or threatened by pornogrophy – something as old as time.

I read an interesting definition of sex. It is the exchange of energy between two or more people. It needs to be exchanged to keep moving. It is a sacred and spiritual act.

I like that definition. It means that you are giving of yourself, your energy, but it is something larger than you that participates. It brings sex into the realm of spirituality, it removes the ‘dirty’ embarrassing parts. It means that sex, however, given, is kindness, compassion, understanding and … love at a hirgher level than the “attached/obsessed type of love”

While, myself, I do not wish for an “open” relationship it allows me to both understand and respect a fully developed open relationship – too much love and energy for two people should be shared. While I don’t agree that it needs to be channelled sexually that is one option of sharing that love that energy.

I have too many thoughts on these topics and they intertwine. So… disentangling…

This picture http://rockpix.com/gallery/mud.html is all about art, texture, etc. that can be gained by applying mud to the body. I find it interesting that it’s applied to her face, but not her hair. Selling sex, de-emphasizing the humanness the individuality of her facial features. Not bad, per se, but.. what is the point?

I’ve come to a point of frustration, anger in our culture that raises up “art” to be the domain of the professionals and all those professionals do is sell things that are disconnected from our daily life, our spiritual life, or … sex.

I should make a disclaimer here – I love the traditional, elegant images, line drawings, pictures etc. of the human body. Nudes don’t bother me and neither do images of lovemaking. I make a distinction there between lovemaking and the non-consensual or for pure economic gain pictures. There is no love, no spirit involved in those peices of “art” as it were.

So this is what we pay for in our society. So I come around again to the making of art. My art isn’t.. well isn’t “pretty” by a commercial standard – but I’d love to think that it’s beautiful because it’s an expression, interpretation of my life, my understanding of the world, my experience of the world. I’d like to think that everyone who is really interpreting their world, their life, their experience creates something beautiful, spiritual, and attempts to communicate a piece of their soul to the people that share their world.

So I have issues with “proffesional artists” with being told that when I teach to a group of people off of the streat, in an attempt to empower them, in an attempt to let them know that they ARE capable, and that they ARE valued, we won’t need a “professional artist” to come along behind and “fix” their work!!

It pisses me off to have “artists” wanting to “fix” someone else’s work. That to me says that you are no artist if you cannot value the energy and spirit that someone puts into their work. Whether it’s good or bad by your standards – the value is in the doing, expressing, learning, attempting and… eventually sharing.

Do you listen to the trees breathe?

To me the trees on the mountain and the trees in the forest and the trees on the plain all breathe differently. Different sounds. Different rythms.

I don’t want to know what you do for a living, how many children you have, whether you’re married or not, what you studied.

I want to know what you dream of.

I remember the fads of “new age” thinking back in the 1980’s. Everyone had stumbled upon this new spiritual power, new energy power, the thing that made them great. It carried the signs of a cult (fads often do) but was beneficial and healing to many who explored the ideas of new age thinking. I’m generalizing here. I realize it. I’m familiar with alternative medicinces, yoga for …12 years or so, formally trained in soto zen, grew up with astrologers, have friends and family that practice reiki, tarot… etc. This is not meant to denigrate any person that I love and hold dearly nor any particular practice.

My thoughts run along different lines. My study of anything “alternative” has been out of curiousity about myself and my place in this world. Buddhism (the religion that isn’t a religion) has probably been of most help to me. Yoga also. Yoga mostly for the physcial benefits – calming me, relaxing me. Buddhism for getting me to sit in one place for more than a second. It helps me focus. Period.

That alone can bring mental and spiritual rewards.

However, something in me shifted the other day. I realized that in all my studies I’ve been private about what I study, what I learn, where I’m going with that “stuff.” I realize that when this “stuff” was first introduced to the US many younger people talked about it – a lot in the 1970’s and 1980’s. I wasn’t involved in it then and see it as the first wave of a fad. The second wave is here and comes from many other cultures integrating into the US.

However, this wave of “new age stuff” annoys me. Maybe I’ve grown and changed in a way that I didn’t expect.

Long story short, I’m tired of listening to their “personal power” how powerful they are to have this information. How they can “see” or “feel” a person better than others. And then they proceed to tell you things that (a) you don’t agree with (b) no one else sees (c) everyone else sees but is TOO POLITE to mention because they know that you’re grappling with the issue.

Maybe it’s because I grew up as a private person. Maybe I’ve always seen personal growth, spriritual growth, as something discussed with your teacher, priest, pastor, a close friend, godmother, or anonymously. I find the ego attachment of such “power claims” to fall short and are, in the long run, a sad attempt at shoring up a struggling soul with something that won’t help them in the long run.

Or, even worse, will hurt those around them. A false crutch. A claim to power that is based on … nothing.

I became annoyed, listening to everyone’s power levels being compared. I leave knowing that I see enough, more than I want to of other’s pain and struggle and wish them peace but I don’t need to beat them over the head with my “power” “insight” “knowing” or with their problems.

People are either aware of their problems, struggling to deal with them, or are unaware and would probably have a break down if they became aware before they have the mental and physical resources to deal.

Maybe I just want to be left in peace and not be in a pissing contest with someone over levels of “power” and “insight”.

I wish all of those that use such tools to teach and help but let the people come to you at their own pace. Let them ask you the questions they’re comfortable knowing about. Let the rest go – including your POWER.

I have a friend who is 6 feet tall and looks like she walked off the cover of a magazine. She’s smart, younger, and oh so nice. She has a wonderful fiance that she’s totally dedicated to. Lucky girl. I, and those around her, have always been a bit threatened by her. I changed my mind the other day.

I had the experience of watching, within an hour, a guy her father’s age undress her with his eyes. It was quite rude, unprofessional of him. I also saw a woman she works with react in “that way” I have no other way to describe it except that she felt threatened by my friend also. I realized that her life must carry loneliness in such sad way. She must work to become friends. She must work to overcome assumptions people make about her. Assumptions about her beauty and what that means in our society.

I find that I love her even more as a friend for her kindness, her niceness and her beauty.

I wrote this a little while back to one of my most favorite bloggers:

I’ve been a “steady” reader of your blog for a bit now and something just occurred
to me.  You’ve set a wonderful example.  Either you don’t feel pain
from your past relationships and their failures or you’ve re-written
the story.

I have this image in my mind of french women or women from the 1920’s
who had suitors, dalliances, great affairs and romances.  As little
old ladies they don’t tell the story of their heart aching for 10
years because he cheated on her.  They tell the story of the stupid
one, the dashing one, the one that was a distraction but she really
preferred Ralph.

I read what the women write to you about (and a few men) and we’re all
hung up with “fixing” what went wrong, wondering why we aren’t good
enough, etc. etc.  It goes on.  I see a few exceptions, no doubt, but
the majority of people see a relationship gone wrong as a flaw – to
themselves etc.

So, here stands the shining example of **E** who has re-written the
script.  SHE has had great romances, scary ones, funny ones, escapades
and they’re all there for entertainment.  I’m sure that there was pain
at the time but because you’ve written about the men or the event or
the time as a caricature, a lesson, as entertainment….. the pain
doesn’t stop you from moving forward.

So taking your example in hand I plan to re-write all of my romances
into epic or funny or something other than what I’ve been dwelling on.

And someday I’ll be that little old lady, married or not, that tells
the young girls stories back in the day that gasoline was cheap enough
to drive into town for the evening or weekend and the men that
entertained and graced my life.

So…. let the stories begin!!